Authority

I was talking with a client the other day.  We got into an interesting discussion regarding authority figures and how nervous she became around those in positions of power.  She had recently met a woman in a boutique while shopping.  They chatted easily.  When she found out the woman was an Executive Vice President of a large company she became tongue tied and ended the conversation rather quickly.

The subject came up because my client was interested in talking to the EVP about career opportunities.  She was wondering if she should contact her new acquaintance.  Her hesitation came because of the high position the EVP held.

It’s easy to be nervous around those in power positions.  I think it stems from how we were raised.  For many, our parents were the ultimate authority making most of our decisions for us.  We would ask permission and hope for our outcome.  Being sent to the principal’s office (I was there once for chewing gum) was scary.  Somehow these emotions stay with us.  Here are some things to think about when the nerves start to creep in.

Thought 1:  You’re all grown up!  A conversation between two people is just that.  You both have equal value, equal opinions, and equal power.  The value, opinions and power might be in different areas – not better or worse.

Thought 2:  Give generously.  Think about what you can offer the person in power – perhaps you have a special tip, an interesting article, or an introduction to a colleague.  Approaching people in power with a gift changes the dynamic from “what do you want?” to “thank you so much.”

Thought 3:  Respect.  Respect yourself as well as the other person.  People are more likely to want to be around you when you honor yourself.  Take the time to prepare for your meeting, look your best, arrive early, and relax.  Showing your best self will go a long way in calming your nerves.

Thought 4:  Common ground.  When talking to someone in authority start with some common ground.  It could be the new arrivals at the boutique where you both met, or the traffic that you both encountered, perhaps the results of a recent sporting event, or the fail safe – the weather.  Once the conversation starts, the flow itself will calm things down.

Thought 5:  Lonely.  It’s lonely at the top.  When you’re talking to leaders and putting them in the people category (opposed to the “on high” category) it may be one of the few conversations they’ll have that day when they were treated as equal.  Leaders are people too and crave normalcy.  I haven’t met many that want to hear yes sir, no sir, whatever you say sir!

Do you get nervous around authority?  What tips do you have to calm your nerves?  Leave your tips and comments below so we can all learn from you.

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