Thanksgiving Press Release

A dear friend sent out the following press release to her family a few years ago – it was liberating to her, so on this day after Thanksgiving I offer this to anyone exhausted after the holiday….  (the names have been changed)


DATELINE BEACH PARK, IL – Sources close to the story have now confirmed that Mary Johnson, (a.k.a. “Auntie Mary”) this past Thursday announced her retirement from active Thanksgiving Dinner preparation after 30 years “on the job.”  Johnson stated that though she “…loves hosting the Thanksgiving holiday, after 30 years, it’s time for a change.  So, I’m hanging up my turkey baster.”

Reactions ranging from shock to curiosity rose up above the turkey, dressing and cranberry sauce on Thursday afternoon.  Speculation was that a decline in health was driving that decision, but Johnson quickly dispelled those suspicions.  “It’s a hard decision, but I’m not giving up the holiday itself.  Thanksgiving is very special to me.  Next year, you are all invited to a fantastic Thanksgiving buffet served at a local establishment.” 

Reportedly, Johnson and her partner Brenda were seen visiting said buffet earlier in the day, and exit polling revealed they were literally “overwhelmed” by the grandiose spread.  “If my turkey weren’t already in the oven…” Johnson laughed, “…we might be having dinner there today.”

Onlookers noted Johnson’s kitchen has “reigned supreme” for the past 30 years, “…except for that one time” her sister-in-law Catherine mentioned.  Catherine declined further comment.

In another part of the house, Johnson was overheard telling one of her guests, “It’s been a great 30-year ride, and just like another famed Chicago-area legend, Michael Jordan, I wanted to go out on top.”  Johnson also cited her desire to spend more quality time with her family during the holidays.  “I want to enjoy the day, too, but sometimes I’m just too tired!”

When quizzed further about next year’s prospect, brother-in-law John confirmed the location, the Ramada’s Saddle Ridge Restaurant in Waukegan, stating he has had “…functions there.”  Nephew James inquired about shuttle bus service, but those details are still forthcoming.  “It just won’t be the same” James lamented, still in shock.

Johnson encouraged her guests to look forward to a grand buffet in a relaxed atmosphere and the opportunity for a second helping of homemade desserts at her home later in the day.  “I certainly hope you’ll continue to enjoy each others company in my home on Thanksgiving” Johnson said.

“It’s a change, and change is hard, but it’s for the better. We’re ALL entitled to enjoy the day, and each other’s company, and we'll let someone else slave over a hot stove and the dishes.  Then we’ll ALL have a little bit more to be thankful for.”

Johnson admitted she was reluctant to make the announcement and relieved that it was over.  “Now, the family will have a whole year to prepare – mentally – for the change.  I’m relieved.  I’m grateful for the opportunity to have prepared Thanksgiving Dinner for the past 30 years, and I’m looking forward to starting a new tradition in 2009."                   ##

Are you preparing your own press release for your family?

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